Writer’s Notebook: Dawn Chorus

Posted: September 16, 2015 in graffiti living
Tags: , , , ,

Since from the point of death you are no longer away or conscious, you will never have hindsight on your life — never see its sum total.
 
You will never get the drop on life.
 
Hindsight is a rearview mirror but that’s no good when you run into a brick wall whilst forever looking behind you.
 
And life would only make sense from beyond the end.  In retrospect.
 
So life will never make sense, never have meaning, never be complete. It just ends and shit, too late, you’re done.
 
So bitching and moaning about how if I die now it will all have been for nothing doesn’t really hold water.
 
It always was, and always will be, for nothing.
 
The sum total of life is zero.
 
Big fucking deal.
 
Skip out on life like some might skip out for breakfast.
 
Be done with it tomorrow. Or tonight. Or right now. It’s all the same.
 
Nothing is going to change no matter how much life changes. You’re only going to get older and hurt more and die.
 
Listen to the dawn chorus. Still you can’t sleep. No-one is coming to save you. That’s why you can’t rest, because you’re done trying and can’t escape the fact that you don’t have anything left in you to give to the world.
 
Just add it to the list of reasons why you can’t write and have done with it.
 
This shit will still be here tomorrow.
 
Throw it on the pile.
 
Still be here tomorrow. You won’t.
 
Figure that one out.
 
The biggest pile of shit is the one you leave behind.
 
Endless sleep and still no rest.*

*This was written years ago. I’m just sharing unedited pages from my notebooks. Nothing to see here — move along.

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